It's been a long time/Realizations

I can't believe I haven't posted anything in almost 5 months. But I guess it's understandable considering my last submission was right before classes started for the spring semester. Everything after that has been so crazy. But I'm back with a new post, although I'm not sure there's any value in it, other than me realizing that I am in serious need of self-discovery.

One of the things that I've been noticing lately is that I really, really want to either practice or teach Reiki regularly. I want to write my own manual, but I'm not sure I have any knowledge or techniques that I can add that haven't been seen elsewhere. But I do realize that whenever I start feeling... useless, I guess, I remember how much I love Reiki, and how I wish I had either a clientele or some students. I think I definitely need more experience - and confidence - before I can take on the role of Reiki Teacher. Of course, in order to get that confidence and experience, I need clients! Talk about a vicious cycle. I think now would be a good time to reread my manuals and books and practice some of the techniques and maybe even make my own. Let's see how that turns out.

Another thing I'm realizing is that there have been a lot of little occurrences that seem to be speaking directly to my taking control of my life and having more faith that the Universe will provide for me. Case in point - a couple of weeks ago, I went into the bathroom and took a look at a soap bottle that had been there for awhile, but that I had never really paid attention to. I noticed something interesting - that the bottle had 444 mL. I knew the number had to mean something - especially since I had told my boyfriend that I needed a miracle. So what is the meaning for 444?

"Thousands of angels surround you at this moment, loving and supporting you. You have a very strong and clear connection with the angelic realm, and are an Earth angel yourself. You have nothing to fear—all is well."

Also:

"The angels are surrounding you now, reassuring you of their love and help. Don’t worry because the angels’ help is nearby."

That made me very happy, but I feel like I have since forgotten that message - until now. Everything happens for a reason... Today was a day of despair and desperation - I think my writing this post after so many months away is the Universe's way of reminding me that I have Divine help.

The other occurrence that happened that same day was a tweet by Gail Goodwin (@inspiremetoday). The tweet was:

"Dream incessantly-Believe completely-Act daily-Risk intuitively-Celebrate continually-Live gratefully"

It was just what I needed to hear at that particular moment in time but, again, I feel like I forgot about it until now. OK, so what does all this mean? Well...

1) I've been reevaluating my faith. A long time ago, when I first started this blog, I had taken a quiz on BeliefNet that said I most identified with Neo-Paganism. Totally true, so I think it's time to start putting some of those beliefs into practice. I think I need a connection with the God and Goddess now more than ever.

2) I need to stop playing the victim role. I've been getting so depressed about not finding a job/internship, thinking that maybe there's something wrong with me that the companies don't like, or that I don't have enough experience. Bull. I know that I know my stuff, and I know that I would be a huge asset to the company that is right for ME. I just haven't found it yet. I know that even though I do need the money, if I settle for something just because I have to pay the bills, I am going to be miserable. So I'll keep holding out until I find something that clicks. If it does end up being unpaid, I'll deal with it.

3) I need to utilize my support system. I have wonderful Twitter friends, Krystal (@whitelotus01), Alice (@ReikiAwakening) and Jay (@PsychicJay), among others that can help me figure out my Reiki thing (if they're not busy and don't mind, of course!) I think they might be part of my karass, a term from Kurt Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle that means "a group of people who, often unknowingly, are working together to do God's will," if such a thing exists beyond the fictional religion of Bokononism. I also have a supportive boyfriend and friends that are amazing for giving me that push when I wander from my path. I keep worrying about being a burden to them, but I know (or at least hope) that it's not true.

I'm sure there's more, but I feel like this post has gone on too long; however, it's my first in awhile, so I think I have a pass. If anything, I will write more as things come up which, considering the way things have been going lately, is more than likely to happen by the end of the day.