Saturday, January 30, 2010

An Exploration of Faith

So I took a quiz on beliefnet.com, called "Belief-O-Matic" (which can be found here, just out of curiosity. I think I've mentioned before my whole struggle with faith, whether or not I had it, and what it would be if I did. Well, I took the quiz, and my result came up as Neo-Pagan (100%), closely followed by New Age (97%), and Unitarian Universalism (82%). I can't say I'm really surprised at the results (even though I can't say that I've ever heard of Unitarian Universalism), but it's interesting to have my suspicion "confirmed" by this quiz.

So, what exactly does this mean for me? Well, I'll go through each of the central tenets (as far as the questions in the quiz) and give my thoughts. Writing something like this is very rare for me, as I am usually hesitant to discuss the matters of my faith, or lack thereof, but now is as good a time as any to get my thoughts out.

"Belief in Deity -
Some believe in a Supreme Being. Many believe in God and Goddess--a duality. Many believe there are countless spirit beings, gods and goddesses, in the cosmos and within all of nature--God is all and within all; all are one God. The Great Mother Earth, or Mother Nature, is highly worshipped. Divinity is immanent and may become manifest within anyone at any time through various methods."

For a long time, I subscribed to the notion of multiple gods and goddesses, and I can't say that I don't anymore. I've always been fascinated by different world gods and goddesses (particularly goddesses). But then again, I often say that I believe in a Higher Power, but I can't necessarily call it "God," primarily because of some of the connotations I've associated with the term over the years - i.e. that "God" is all-powerful, all-seeing, merciful but vengeful, loving but jealous. I feel like many of the concepts of "God" I've been exposed to have been very contradictory - hence my reluctance to place in Him/Her. But for now, I will confess to believing in Higher Power, or Supreme Being, or - my personal favorite - the Universe.

"Incarnations -
No human incarnations are worshipped in particular, as all of nature and the universe are considered embodiments of God and Goddess, or of gods and goddesses, worthy of respect, reverence, or worship."

I can best sum up my feelings about this tenet by saying I believe we are all Divine, that we are, as it goes, "spirits having a human experience" and not the other way around. To that extent, if Jesus did exist, I don't believe in his existence in the Biblical sense of the Immaculate Conception and him being God's only son. Just as there have been multiple Buddhas, I believe there could have been multiple Jesuses, and do not believe that what is written in the Bible should be taken as a literal, historical account of his life. In fact, who says we don't all have the potential to be a Buddha or a Jesus?

"Origin of Universe and Life -
Generally, there is no conflict between observations revealed through science and Neo-Pagan beliefs on origins of the physical universe and of man. Many believe in a supreme intelligence that created a duality of God/Goddess who then created a spirit world of gods and goddesses as well as all of the universe and nature."

I don't have much to say about this one. I definitely believe in the Big Bang Theory and evolution. But I have no idea where the Higher Power factors in as far as the creation of the Universe. Maybe it just was. I don't know.

"After Death -
Many believe in reincarnation after some rest and recovery in the "Otherworld." There is generally no concept of hell as a place of punishment, but some believe wrongdoing can trap the soul in state of suffering after death. Some (Wicca) believe the soul joins their dead ancestors who watch over and protect their family. Some believe that life energy continues in some, if unknown, form. Some believe in various spiritual resting places. Many say we don't or can't know what happens after death."

As someone who has had encounters with the "Other Side," I most definitely believe in life after death, and in reincarnation. I know I have had past lives, I've seen glimpses of them, and no, they were not my imagination. I have felt connections and attractions to places I've never been to, which I feel is a result of me having been there in a past life. I don't believe in heaven and hell as actual places, more as states of mind. I believe we create our own heavens and hells here on Earth.

"Why Evil? -
'Evil' is imbalance. Most believe there is no evil but rather that people sometimes make mistakes. Wrongdoing results when we forget we are one with the universal spirit."

Since I don't believe in hell, I don't believe in the devil, or some demon tempting people to do evil things. I think we are all, at our very core, good, and the deviants of society have forgotten their divinity. As I was saying to my roommate the other night, I cannot except anyone being inherently evil - even a serial killer at some point depended on someone, loved someone, lost someone. That is not to say that everyone who has lost someone will turn into a deviant, but I guess my beliefs as far as this is concerned are more psychological than spiritual.

"Salvation -
The concept of 'salvation' is essentially irrelevant; rather the belief that people can attain spiritual balance and harmony with each other and nature. The path includes group ceremonies, dances, songs/chants, prayers, meditation, trance, altered states of consciousness, the metaphysical, magic, invoking or evoking deities or spirits, Tantric practices. Intercessors are commonly used: psychics, seers, shamans, tarot, Oui-Ja board. Ethical choices are influenced by a belief that one is rewarded or punished within this or after this lifetime for one's choices and an ethical code to do no harm."

I think the first line says it all, the concept of salvation is pretty irrelevant for me. But I do believe that we should all lead good lives to the best of our ability, and seek to (re)connect with the Divine/Universe/Higher Power, etc., throughout whatever means we so choose.

"Undeserved Suffering -
Most do not believe in Satan or any spirit being as the cause of suffering. Some believe in a karma-like principle, that choosing to live a life of wrongdoing and pain will naturally result in suffering in this or later lifetimes. Many view suffering as a result of spiritual imbalance in one's life or on the planet or in the universe. The focus is generally on healing suffering rather than answering definitively why it exists."

I pretty much responded to this one under some of the other tenets, but I'll expand here. If we don't lead good lives now, we'll pay for it somewhere down the line. I disagree a bit as far as suffering being a result of spiritual imbalance on the planet or in the Universe though. I think that we humans impose a spiritual imbalance on the planet/Universe when we ourselves are imbalanced. I believe the saying "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" holds true here. We can eliminate suffering, at least for ourselves, by living spiritually balanced lives.

"Contemporary Issues -
Abortion is not condemned, as there is no official doctrine; beliefs about abortion range the full spectrum. Views on divorce, homosexuality, and gender equality are generally very supportive of human differences, equality, and personal choice. Many believe that involvement in community action, especially regarding environmental concerns, is integral to the belief in human interdependence and worship of the Earth Mother."

I'm pro-choice (a woman has the right to govern her own reproductive system), pro-gay marriage (homosexuals are people just like heterosexuals, if they love each other, by all means, let them marry), pro-divorce (no sense staying with someone who makes your life miserable, if you're unhappy, leave), and pro-gender equality (we are ALL equal). The only thing I'm on the fence about is the death penalty, but I'm more on the side of being against it than for it.

Back to my original question - what does this all mean for me? Well, I guess I've had faith all along, I just didn't know in what. I'm not going to go running through the streets "LOOK AT ME, I'M NEO-PAGAN," nor will I change my lifestyle, but at least I have an idea of where I stand.

Friday, January 29, 2010

A Week Later...

I'm a little upset with myself for not finishing the Reiki Challenge the way I wanted to. I know I probably should have finished it anyway, but after missing days, i felt like it would have been cheating. The point was to take five consecutive days of meditating on and consciously thinking about the principles, which I failed to do. I picked a bad time to do it, since I was in the process of getting ready to go back to school, so my mind and attention were focused on other things. I don't know if I can even make that excuse - I still could have done them, but it wouldn't have been the way I originally intended. I think that I will have to try it again when I know for sure that I can actually commit to it, because trying to force myself won't end well.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Today's Goddess Guidance - Yemanya (Golden Opportunity)

"Important doors are opening for you right now. Walk through them."

Yemanya, Yemaya, Yemaja... However you spell her name, this is one of my favorite goddesses, and probably one of the most important messages I've received from this deck so far. Yes, I know, I've been slacking, this is kind of my kick in the butt to get back to what I was doing!

Anyway, I hope this card is right. So far, it is. The managing editor of NassauNewsLive.com sent out an e-mail earlier this week saying that he was extending editor positions to some of the people who were reporters last semester. I immediately jumped at the opportunity and e-mailed him back, saying that I would love to be an editor. Still waiting for a response, but I know that he is very busy so I'm not going to freak out (not yet, anyway.)

Wouldn't it be wonderful if this meant that there is a job waiting for me on the horizon?? Just saying. I can't afford to be broke for another semester. I'm thinking work study or that sports bar/restaurant opening near the school are probably my best bets for employment right now. Then again, not everything needs to be so cut and dry, so maybe I should pay attention to what's going on around me and not take anything for granted...

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Today's Guide - Truth (Higher Self)

Honesty * Clarity * Discipline * Intellect

Both of the guide cards that I've drawn so far have been Higher Self cards. And considering that the goddess card that I drew for today was receptivity... well, I'm sensing a theme.

The message of this card is to develop clarity and objectivity when looking at life, to "look for the truth behind appearances." Basically, stop taking things at face value and really see them for what they are.

Unfortunately, I kind of have a problem doing that sometimes.

But that's why it's a message from my guides, to remind me that it is something that I need to work on. I feel like I'm copping out with this one a little bit, because I want a little more time to really think about it... So I'm gonna come back to this if I remember.

Today's Goddess Guidance - Hathor (Receptivity)

"Allow yourself to receive. This will increase your intuition, energy, and ability to give to others."

Hathor has always been one of my favorite goddesses. I have a picture of her on my mirror that has been there for a couple of years now. Hathor is a goddess of love, music, beauty, the sky, the sun... Pretty much an "all-Goddess." This card is perfect for me today, because I'm back to trying to consciously be aware of what the Universe has to say, and notice the little "coincidences" (hate that word) that take place on a daily basis.

Then there's the whole thing about increasing psychic awareness, "ask and you shall receive," yadda yadda. There is also another meaning of "releasing guilt about receiving." Definitely need that advice. I don't really like asking for help or ANYTHING, even when I know the person offering is doing so because they care. I've especially been feeling this way toward my boyfriend, who, in the month that I've been home on break, has offered and given me so many things, and I almost always feel terrible. But he obviously does it because he wants to.

As with the other goddess cards that I've drawn so far, maybe more so, this doesn't need to be a one-time consideration. Maybe I'll give myself another challenge in the future to see what happens when I allow myself to be more receptive...

Reiki Challenge, Day 3 - Endeavor With Your Work

This principle is kind of a big one for me, simply because I've been back and forth with whether or not I feel comfortable enough to start teaching Reiki and doing readings again.

As has seemed to be the case since starting this challenge, I had an interesting dream last night that seemed to relate to this principle. Unfortunately, I was really struggling to wake up this morning, so I didn't get a chance to write it down. But what I do remember is being in a supermarket, where a lot of my dreams have taken place recently. The dream then switched to what I believe was a computer lab, and there was some sort of demon or evil person, and I was battling him/it with Reiki. I believe Jay, a friend of mine from Twitter, was there as well, and I was asking him to help me battle the... whatever.

OK, so what does this have to do with my principle for today?

Well, I looked up what supermarkets mean in dreams. Found a lot of answers that didn't seem quite right until I found this one:

Groceries offer an endless and tempting variety of things. To dream of being in a market means you are faced with tough choices, all of which look perfect and inviting. You are shopping not just for material things, but for things that relate to your emotional or social needs. You might be concerned of making the wrong choice in spending your money/attention/energy.


So what particularly caught my attention with this meaning was the variety of things that relate to my emotional or social needs, and being concerned about making the wrong choice in spending my money, attention, and/or energy. I've been debating lately if I want to make journalism my career, completely shutting out Reiki; doing Reiki full-time; combining the two. A friend suggested doing both, doing like a holistic magazine or whatever. My main fear has been that I will choose one over the other, and not be happy with my decision. Obviously, I still have time to think about it, but I feel like I need to make a decision now so I can start preparing for what will happen when two years goes by.

But because of the latter part of my dream, where I am clearly using Reiki (I know because I called it by name), and defeating this evil being (as far as I can tell), I feel like that is a sign telling me that doing Reiki in some form (teaching or just healing) is the way to go. I think the first part, where I am tempted by all the different products in the grocery store (and I think being chased, too, but I addressed that in an earlier post) was a reference to this indecision, but by the end of the dream, it was clear what choice I should make. I don't know, maybe not.

Other than all this dream business, the rest of what I have to say about this principle relates to school and whatever job I (hopefully) get this semester. Keep working hard, keep doing my best, it will all pay off. That's all that I can hope for.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Reiki Challenge, Day 2 - Let Go of Worry

My principle for today was, "Just for today, I will let go of worry."

What a loaded principle this is for me!

I am a worrier by nature. I can't help it. I tend to overanalyze things and think way too much about what could go wrong, sometimes when there is no foreseeable chink in my plans. This has been a constant struggle for me, especially when I'm at school, even though my mother would always tell me, "Worrying won't make it any better, do what you can."

So my messages while meditating and thinking about this principle were to stop worrying so much (duh) and to let the Universe take care of things. This relates perfectly to the Aine card that I pulled from the Goddess Guidance deck earlier today. I need to take that leap of faith and trust that things will work out.

Another message that I got was that I have people - "Heavenly" or celestial and earthly - that are looking out for me and trying to assuage my worries and fears. Of course, sometimes I don't hear or don't listen to what they have to say, but they are there, and they are looking out for my best interests.

I found a lot of good "worry" quotes that I would like to have written down somewhere, so that I can refer to them when necessary. I guess this is as good a place as any, since I live online, anyway.

“Worry is like a rocking chair--it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.” - Anonymous

“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.” - Proverb

“Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.” - Arthur Somers Roche

“Worry is spiritual short sight. Its cure is intelligent faith." - Paul Brunton

“If we spend our time with regrets over yesterday, and worries over what might happen tomorrow, we have no today in which to live.” - Anonymous

Today's Guide - Judgment (Higher Self)

Precision * Rationality * Analysis * Discernment

From Sonia Choquette's "Ask Your Guides" Oracle deck, this card seems to be contradictory to the message I received from Doreen Virtue's "Goddess Guidance" Oracle deck in my previous post. This card tells me to turn to my Higher Self and use my power of reason, as opposed to letting my emotions run away from me. So which card do I listen to?

Well, I guess I can listen to both, but I have to compromise. Yes, I need to take that leap of faith, but maybe I should think logically about it first. Does that work? Obviously, taking a leap of faith means to just trust that whatever's going to happen will be for my benefit, but logic sometimes gets in the way. Listening to both messages would require me to use logic for some issues and intuition for others. I've found that it's very hard to apply both to the same situation.

It's a little past 12:30, and I already have a lot to think about for the rest of the day, and I haven't even done my principle for the Challenge yet. I can already tell that this is going to be a day for me to really sit down and reassess myself.

Today's Goddess Guidance - Aine (Leap of Faith)

"Take a risk, and put your heart's true desire into action!"

This is the message of Aine, a Celtic goddess of healing, fertility, protection, and prosperity.

Why does this message matter for me?

I have so many goals, so many dreams, and yet I tend to abandon them because I think they are impossible to achieve. I guess I either underestimate my ability, or I just don't believe that it is meant to happen for me. And I know I need to stop thinking that way. Considering that my principle for today is, "Let go of worry," I know that the Universe is definitely trying to tell me something. As Aine's message says, it is time for me to take a risk, and have faith that the Universe will take care of the rest.

Of course, this is all easier said than done. I have been getting in my own way for too long, and it's time to stop. I need to take that leap of faith, and trust that everything else will fall into place.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Reiki Challenge, Day 1 - Letting Go of Anger

The first principle I wanted to meditate on for the Reiki challenge was, "Just for today, I will let go of anger." I sat for a little bit, said the principle to myself, and just listened. What I heard (paraphrasing a bit) was:

Do not be so quick to get angry. Everything happens for a reason, and when something doesn't go your way, there is a reason for that also.
Turn your anger into something productive/constructive. Use that energy for something positive.
When someone hurts or angers you, instead of lashing out, rectify the situation calmly. **Should add "if possible" here. If it can't be rectified, walking away is better than getting upset.**
Let go of the past. Those previous hurts do not define who you are, so why hold on them?
Whenever you get angry, ask yourself. "is this healthy?" If the answer is no, let it go.

I will update this as more things come to me, as I plan to keep this principle in mind for the rest of the day.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Challenge Starts Tomorrow

The Reiki Challenge starts tomorrow! I'm very excited because I think that it can be very insightful for the people who participate. It's such a simple thing, just meditating on a principle, that we could easily fit it into our everyday lives! Just for reference, here are the five Reiki principles. This is one variation, but there are many others. I personally like this one the best:

Just for today, I will let go of anger.
Just for today, I will let go of worry.
Just for today, I will endeavor with my work.
Just for today, I will be grateful for all my blessings.
Just for today, I will be kind to every living thing.

** I was informed that tomorrow is not only a new moon, but there will be a solar eclipse as well. The timing of this challenge couldn't be any better!! **

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Reiki Challenge

I had an idea for a sort of "Reiki Challenge" yesterday. It's not to go out and do healings, but is on an individual level. Here's what I had in mind:

Everyday for 5 days, choose one of the 5 Reiki principles. You can do them in whatever order you want.
Meditate on that particular principle for whatever length of time you can, even if it's just 5 or 10 minutes. If you want to meditate on your principle more than once in a day, that's fine.
While meditating, ask for guidance concerning that principle, what lesson you need to learn from it. If it is "do not worry," ask if there is anything that you need to stop worrying about, or ask for answers concerning that issue.
Post your experiences in the comments section to share with others! That's it!

**Post your experiences in the comments section for THIS post, not the posts marked "Day 1, Day 2, etc..." That way, if I don't get to post before you all do, you don't have to wait for me.**

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Dreams of Being Chased, A Wake Up Call

I have unusual dreams most nights that, from what I recall in the morning, often involve me being chased. The first thing anybody asks me when I tell them about these dreams is, "well, are you running away from something?" And the first thing I tell them is, "well, not that I can think of."

And that's the honest truth. I came into this year knowing that I had to let go of and change a lot of things. I needed to start rebuilding relationships, and cutting the ones that were getting toxic. I took time to admit to myself everything that I was unhappy with in 2009, and am actively trying to make 2010 the year that I achieve many of the goals I let fall through the previous year. I know it's going to take work, but I do not want to repeat the mistakes that I made in '09.

With that being said, I can't think of anything that I could be running away from. But, I know that dreams are often more involved than we think, so I went to my favorite site for dream analysis for help. Dreammoods.com does a great job of analyzing the most common meanings behind chase dreams, but, of course, the answer isn't always so black and white. From what I remember of the dreams I've had, they tend to involve more than one attacker, usually people I don't know, and being chased through either a really public place, a supermarket in at least two cases, or the middle of nowhere, a forest in at least one.

I don't have all the answers right now, and I probably never will, but I'll take these dreams as a sign that I'm not out of the woods just yet... I still have something or somethings that I need to face. I just have to figure out what they are.

The Beautiful Psyche

As mentioned in the description of the blog, the Greek word "psyche" (psykhē, written ψυχή in Greek) means "soul." It comes from the word psykho (ψύχω) which means "I blow" or "I breathe." So "psyche" also has the meaning of breath, but it can also mean:

Life
Spirit
The immortal part of a person: soul
The spirit of a dead person: ghost
The conscious self, as the seat of emotions, desires
The organ of thought: mind, reason
The universal spirit

With so many meanings, exactly what the human psyche consists of could be left open for debate. Fortunately, this is not a psychology blog, it is a spiritual blog.

For most of my 21 years on this planet, at least in this body, I have struggled with my spirituality. I was never religious, could never accept organized religion. I always believed in a Higher Power, but could not say for sure that it was "God." I mostly refer to it as the "Universe" or the "Divine", simply because I feel the name "God" has too many connotations, whereas the Universe or the Divine, to me, is more ambiguous.

While I've started this blog a bit later than I would have liked, I hope that by writing my experiences, I will come one step closer to figuring out my spiritual struggle, and maybe even coming one step closer to "God."